Monday, April 14, 2008

Anger. Can denial, bargaining, depression, and accceptance be far behind?

OK, so to start with, I'm angry. Here's a few things that have ticked me off.

First, back in the last millennium (i.e., the 1990's), Mom had fibroid tumors on her ovaries. Despite being around 50 years old, despite having had a tubal ligation over two decades earlier, despite the fact that she didn't want to have any more children, the doctors decide to wait to remove them--until menopause was over. Why? I wondered why then and, to this day, I continue to wonder. It made no sense to wait (from my non-medically-trained perspective), but wait they did. Mom had a full hysterectomy a few years later.

And now, about 15 years later, she is dying from endometrial cancer. What is endometrial cancer, you wonder? Why, it's cancer of the uterus. Because that's where the first tumors were (or close enough, if I remember my high school biology correctly--the ovaries are not actually in the uterus itself), so the doctors say she's dying of endometrial cancer. Kind of odd--dying of uterine cancer when you don't have a uterus. Anyway, I'm angry that they didn't just give her a hysterectomy when the tumors first appeared. We don't know that such an operation would have made anything better now, but it wouldn't have hurt anything back then.

Second, the surgeon scheduled to do the surgery today canceled the surgery last Friday afternoon. Have a nice weekend! I understand why, from a logical perspective, but that doesn't diminish my anger.

I'm sure I could think of more things to be angry about, but that's enough to get started.

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At May 25, 2008 4:58 PM , Blogger docwayson said...

Probably. As the time of death approaches for mom, I find myself cycling between anger, depression and acceptance. It has been terribly difficult the last day or two, to see the the light (literally) fading away from mom. There is a cool hospice website with lots of spiritual readings from all walks of life (so I can skip over ones that are too Christian). I liked the reading below.

"We do not want to know life, which includes death, but we want to know how to continue and not come to an end. We do not want to know life and death, we only want to know how to continue without ending. That which continues has no renewal... It is only when continuity ends that there is a possibility of that which is ever new."

A Sage From India

Here is hoping this brings renewal to us all - Mom included.



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